Self Control

Self-control is what you build up, develop, create and learn by controlling your behavior repeatedly. We should regard self-control as a skill. It is not a character trait or a thing you have to have that lets you control your behavior.

If someone says, "I have no self-control over my gaming or smoking, or eating sweets or whatever," it might be asked, "Are you well practiced at resisting your urges or opportunities to use or to overeat the wrong things?" The answer would likely be, "No." This person is well practiced at giving in to those urges and opportunities to use.

Getting control over your urges and opportunities is like getting control over a bicycle or anything else. You're not going to start out as an expert. You will get control of it only by forcing yourself at first to act differently than you feel.And it may feel very difficult or strange. But by practicing over and over, you learn to ride the bike! So the reason people correctly "feel" that they don't have self-control is because they haven't been practicing what would give it to them. In this case, the skill is in resisting urges or opportunities to use.

In one famous study, children were left with a candy bar and told that if they didn't eat it they would get two candy bars. The children who resisted the temptation while alone were secretly observed using verbal self-reminders and distracting activities. Children who didn't resist were later able to do so after being taught new strategies for better self-control. Things like learning that urges are time-limited, and they will crest and subside if we stall and divert the thoughts to something else. We practice doing this in our group meetings to help you be prepared for when you are tempted.

Self control can be learned. 'There is a will, there is a way' There is always a way to control yourself, its just do you want to or not.